What if there was a single choice we make every day that determines our future?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea.
What I’ve found is that each day, we have the opportunity to make the most important choice of our lives.
I believe this choice determines whether we get what we want in life or not.
It is the choice to either happen to life or let life happen to you.
As the saying goes, “Not choosing is the same as choosing.”
If we don’t choose to happen to life, then life is happening to us. It’s easy to recognize when life is happening to us. It feels like a constant dance between things going right and then going wrong.
When we make life happen, we feel at peace. No matter what happens, we are in control of our fate. Our attitude gives us the power to tackle any situation.
No doubt, I am the most energized when I feel in control of my destiny. When my attention and focus are aimed at what I am called to do in each moment.
I think most of us understand this, but without paying attention, it’s easy to get lost and lose control.
So how do some people happen to life and others let life happen to them?
I believe there is something operating beneath the surface. Another choice we don’t realize we’re making in each moment.
That something is how we approach making excuses—and it’s not what you think.
I read a great mini-essay from Shaan Puri about excuses. The idea is that not all excuses are bad. We often think of excuses as being reasons for us to not do something.
Believe it or not, there are good excuses. Both positive and negative excuses exist.
Excuses are just reasons we tell ourselves to either move forward or not.
Positive excuses are reasons to move forward. Negative excuses are reasons to not move forward.
People who happen to life default to creating excuses that give them a reason to move forward. People who let life happen to them default to creating excuses that give them a reason to not move forward.
Whether we realize it or not, we make these excuses constantly.
So where do they come from?
I’ve determined there are only two options. They either come from:
- A core part of our identity (i.e., it comes natural to us)
- Or a conscious choice to make them
I suspect the type of excuses we make are baked into our identity.
Most of us are not actively thinking of the excuses we make. They just happen. I would like to believe that nobody intentionally makes negative excuses or prefers to be someone who uses them.
There must be a hidden narrative going on in our minds. A story we tell ourselves that dictates who we are and the type of person we become.
Someone who automatically creates positive excuses has a sense of confidence and self-belief that people who make negative excuses are missing.
However, if someone makes a conscious effort to become someone who automatically creates positive excuses, this could fundamentally change their identity and reaffirm their self-belief.
For those who automatically create negative excuses, it requires a conscious effort to make positive excuses until it becomes second nature.
What is the one thing missing from people who make negative excuses?
I believe that means we have lost our sense of agency.
What if there was one simple question that could give us our sense of agency back?
So when waking up in the morning, simply ask, “What will I do about today?”
Or when something happens, simply ask, “What will I do about it?”
The more and more we do this, the more we reinforce our self-belief and regain our agency.
Self-Determination Theory states that all human flourishing comes from fulfilling three core needs: autonomy, competency, and relatedness.
This question has the power for us to regain their sense of autonomy. Where our choices and actions feel like they are our own.
After we regain our autonomy and feel in control, our sense of competency and ability to connect with others (relatedness) begins to improve.
I believe that this simple question determines if someone happens to life or life happens to them.
Or in the end—someone who finds flourishing or someone who doesn’t.